Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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