his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
