I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
