did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
