Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
