oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
