if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
