I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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