omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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