I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
