I'm gonna have a badass scar
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
