i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize