new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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