Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
