I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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