so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
