Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
