watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
