Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
