I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
