Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
