I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
