is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
