I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
