I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
