yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
