i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
