U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
