The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
