its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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