I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love you. Go after that dick
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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