I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
