I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
