Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
