getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
