We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize