i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
