Tell her she can't have a vagina
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize