I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize