She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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