this just has baby written all over it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
