Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
