when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
