im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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