is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
