got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
