this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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