i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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