This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My ass is underappreciated
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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