I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
