Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
