if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
