Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
