All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
