you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
