Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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