this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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