I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
