I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
