So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
