I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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