I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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