yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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