Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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