So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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