I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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