he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
