I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
