i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
