I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
