Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
