He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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