i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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