I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
