I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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