I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
