You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
