Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
