Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
