she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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