Nicole vs. Life
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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